ahhhhh life

the last few weeks have been a bit rough, but i feel like i'm on the up again. nothing major has gone wrong but my mental has been way out of wack.

funnily enough (or maybe not), i think much of the depression has to do with blogging - or more to the point, not blogging. for quite a while (six months or more) there wasn't a whole lot to do at work, so it was easy to justify spending time reading and writing on the 'net. i suppose i got spoilt, because the appearance of a good block of stuff to do at work, and hence little time for 'personal work', hit me pretty hard.

it doesn't help that i'm really disliking this job. it's never been the most riveting or stimulating, but i'm getting right sick of it, along with the whole 'getting up at the crack of dawn and getting home after the bub's gone to bed' song and dance. problem is, there's not much alternative at the moment so it's the old case of bite the bullet. i'm really really hoping the book editing and proofreading course i'm working through (slowly) will lead to something.

what i really long for is an unhurried life, with time to read and contemplate and write, to sit (or walk or whatever) with friends and family and have meaningful conversations without feeling the pressure to leave, to go somewhere or do something 'useful', to work but not be consumed or overwhelmed by it. i want my work to be honest, contributing to the good of people and the environment, not just helping some corporation or other make more money out of its customers more efficiently. i want it to be something i believe in, not just something i have to do to maintain a certain 'lifestyle'.

ahhh, dreams...